WARNINGS AND DISCLAMERS

After a candlemark when Xena hadn't returned, Gabrielle grabbed her staff and headed in the direction the warrior had gone.

About a half-candlemark later Gabrielle found her in a clearing practicing with her sword. Xena was throwing all her power into her practice with her sword and had whittled a tree to nearly a twig hacking furiously at it. Gabrielle sat down watching the warrior waiting for her to exhaust herself.

It was another candlemark before the warrior stopped and turned to the honey-blonde sitting there watching her. Xena had been aware of the bard when she'd arrived, but didn't want to talk any more and needed to work some things out in her mind. The warrior finally turned and walked over to Gabrielle and looked down at her. "Did you come to tell me how terrible you think I am or how much you hate and despise me and that you're going to leave and go on alone? Don't bother... I've heard it all before many times." The stoic warrior said turning to head back to camp.

"Xena I didn't follow you to condemn you. I wanted to tell you that I don't know anyone that hasn't done things in their past that they regret. Maybe the things I've done in my past don't compare on a scale with yours, but I've still done things I regret." Gabrielle said as Xena was walking away. The warrior stopped and turned back and faced the bard. "I guess you've noticed that I have a temper... it's gotten me in trouble more times that I'd care to admit."

Xena smiled at Gabrielle's confession. "You do seem to have a knack for finding trouble." The warrior admitted.

"Xena I don't want to go anywhere without you, not now or ever. If you'll let me and can forgive me for the way I've acted the last few daysÖ I'd rather stay with you." Gabrielle confessed simply.

"Gabrielle there's nothing to forgiveÖ you did nothing wrong. And if you want to stay with me after all that I've done to you and told you about myselfÖ I wouldn't want it any other way, not now or ever." The warrior said smiling at her.

"Xena there is one other thing I'd like to ask if you don't mind?" Gabrielle looked questioningly into the blue eyes.

"Gabrielle I'll tell you the truth about anything you want to know, but if you don't want to know and hear the ugly truth then please don't ask." The warrior said.

"I watched Melena at the bar with you and she seemed happy enough to see you. She also seemed to be enjoying your attentions. But you didn't ra..." the bard couldn't finish, she wasn't sure she wanted to know if Xena was still like that.

Xena squatted in front of Gabrielle and reached out and placed her hand under the bard's chin and lifted her face up to look at her. "No Gabrielle, I didn't rape her. That's why I went there... I knew that she'd willingly do it either because of our past together or for money since she's a prostitute. I thought I'd changed enough that I couldn't just rape someone any more, but the darkness was so strong and hard to fight. What happened with youÖ what I almost did to youÖ it really scared me. The thought that my darkness nearly hurt you, the only good thing that ever happened in my lifeÖ it still hurts." The warrior said as tears brimmed in her eyes.

"Xena are you still having trouble with the 'battlelust'?" Gabrielle asked looking the warrior straight in the eye.

"Some, but it's a lot better than it was and I can control it. My past is still a part of what I am today and will never completely go away. I can't deny that or pretend my past never happenedÖ I'm just hoping the 'battlelust', the warlord and the darkness stay in my past from now on." The warrior replied.

Gabrielle felt relieved that Xena was being so honest with her and was glad that the warrior seemed to have the warlord under control, and silently let out the breath she'd been holding. "Are you finished practicing and ready to go back to camp now?" the bard asked.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go." The warrior said smiling down at her.

Gabrielle got up and they walked back to camp in silence. They both had a lot to think about concerning the events of the last few days and what it had almost done to their friendship.

Once back in camp Gabrielle sat down and pulled out her scrolls to work on, while her mind still raced over the events the last few days.

Xena spent the afternoon sharpening her sword taking out the nicks she had put into it hacking on the tree in anger and making needed repairs to her armor, as she worked things over in her mind.

For a change it was Gabrielle who was trying to get the warrior to go to the lake to cool off. "Come on Xena I want to go swim for a while and I want you to go with me. You can finish your repairs when we come back."

Xena smiled up at the small woman standing over her looking down at her. "OkÖ let's go!"

They grabbed their things and headed for the lake. Standing a short distance apart they both turned their backs to each other and started to undress. Both were still feeling the least bit uneasy and awkward because of all that had happened, but both were determined to put it behind them for the sake of their friendship and secretly for the love each had for the other.

They spent a couple of candlemarks laughing and playing in the lake and were again enjoying each other's company like they used to. Not everything had been settled between them but it was getting better.

That night Gabrielle again awoke the warrior screaming from her nightmare, but this time she let Xena hold her as they both laid back down to go to sleep. It felt really good to be in the arms of the warrior again even if it did cause a hormonal problem.

The next morning after eating breakfast. They again headed in the direction of the Amazon Nation.

Xena had several reasons for going to the Nation right now and the most important one was the safety of Gabrielle. Xena knew Gabrielle still needed to heal physically and after the last few days needed healing emotionally and the bard needed some place that was safe to do that healing. The warrior knew the Amazon's would protect their Queen with their lives if need be.

The day had started to really warm up. Around noon they stopped in a grove of trees near a small stream. With the rain they'd had lately it made it a little sultry and uncomfortable. Neither wanted a large or a hot meal, so they hunted a little and found some fresh fruits and berries. They spread out their blankets under the trees and ate their light lunch. After they ate they laid in the shade and rested for a while; they were both still pretty tired from the events of the last few days and the warm sun was taking a toll on their reserves.

Gabrielle sat there looking at the inviting water rushing by beside them and finally couldn't resist the urge any longer. She started pulling off her hot boots. "Come on Xena lets go wading." It really sounded like a rather good idea and the warrior started to remove her own boots and followed the bard into the stream.

The cool water really did feel good on Gabrielle hot and tired feet. She was walking around when she slipped and splashed Xena as she fell and hit the water. That was all it took and the water fight was on. They both ended up drenched in the cool refreshing water and were both laughing when they exited about a candlemark later.

They again headed out for the Nation as the day got even warmer and before nightfall both were hot, tired and sweaty again. Xena started looking early for a nice place for them to camp for the night.

Finally with all the usual camping chores done and dinner ate they decided to head for a small pond to bathe the dust and sweat away and wash out some clothes. They gathered up the all the things that would need and headed for the pond. They both bathed and washed their hair and then played in the water having another splashing war before stopping to wash their clothes. They both had enjoyed themselves and could feel the old familiar easiness of their friendship starting to return.

It was late when they finally got out, dried and headed back to camp. When they returned to camp they laid out their wet clothes on the bushes to dry over night and laid out their bedrolls.

Even after last night Gabrielle still wasn't comfortable about sleeping close to Xena on a regular bases and again laid her bedroll on the opposite side of the fire.

"Gabrielle you don't have to sleep on the other side of the fire if you don't want to. You know that I won't hurt you." The warrior said. She was trying not to feel hurt from the bard's seemingly lack of trust in her.

"Xena I know you won't hurt me and I trust you with my life. I'd just feel better sleeping over here for the time being." Gabrielle replied trying to reassure the warrior. She still didn't feel comfortable trying to explain the fire she felt burning every time she was that close to the warrior.

They both laid down in their bedrolls and drifted off to sleep.

The next thing the warrior knew she was awakened by Gabrielle's screams. She jumped to her feet in alarm and within seconds realized the bard was again being wracked with a nightmare. Xena laid her sword back down that she always grabbed out of instinct and took long strides around the fire and gathered the bard into her arms to stop her struggles. Xena spoke to the small woman in hushed tones trying to reassure her and not frighten her as she came out of the nightmare. "Come on Gabrielle, you're all right. I have you, you're safe." The warrior repeated softly to the bard as she thrashed.

The bard finally awoke being held in strong powerful arms of the warrior, whose intense blue eyes were looking into her face with a very worried expression. "Xena I'm sorry I woke you." Gabrielle said as she started pushing away a little. "I'll be all right now."

"Gabrielle hush!" with that the warrior picked the small bard up along with her bedroll and carried her around the fire and laid her down next to her own bedroll. Xena wrapped her arms around the small bard and pulled her up next to her. "Now go to sleep my bard."

A few days later they finally entered the forest that surrounds the Amazon Nation. It wasn't long before they heard the birdcalls signaling that they'd been spotted. They both raised their hands in peace and were greeted by the Amazon scouts. Two of the scouts escorted the Queen and Xena into the village as one runner went ahead to tell the regent and the rest of the village that their Queen had arrived for a visit.

They arrived in the village about a candlemark later and it looked like the whole village had turned out to greet them. They spent quite a bit of time trying to greet and visit with everyone.

It wasn't often that the Queen came for a visit and it demanded a celebration. Everyone pitched in and the celebration was quickly planned for that night after the evening meal. Then everyone took off to get their part of the celebration ready.

"Are you two hungry?" Ephiny asked knowing how much the Queen always likes her food.

"I sure am." Gabrielle spoke up and the blushed and ducked her head as the warrior turned to look at her and laughed.

"Come on then, we'll go over to the hut and see what they have." Ephiny said leading the way.

After they got something to eat and sat down they started visit, trying to get caught up on all they'd missed since their last visit to the Amazon Nation.

"There's been trouble with raiders in the area lately and we fought with them about a week ago when they entered our land. They are now preying on the surrounding villages that don't have the warrior's to fight them and they've looted and burned over a half-dozen already." The regent told them.

"Was any of the warriors hurt or killed?" the Queen wanted to know.

"There were some minor injuries and no one was killed." Ephiny replied.

"Has anyone tried to stop them?" Xena asked.

"Not really. Although I did send some scouts out to try to find out where they were hiding and operating from, it seems they don't have a fixed base and continue to move around. It makes it harder to find them and plan any kind of attack on them. We'd have to send out too many parties of warrior's to find them and it would leave the village virtually unprotected and I won't do that." The regent told the warrior.

Gabrielle looked at the warrior. "You're going after them aren't you?"

"Gabrielle someone has to." Xena stated flatly.

They finished eating and went to the Queen's hut to rest for a while and so they could talk privately.

"Gabrielle I want you to stay here while I go and take care of the raiders. You really need to let your back heal a little more." The warrior told her. "I'll come back for you if you want me to, if not..."

"Xena we've had this conversation before and you know how I feel. I'm not letting you leave here without me; that is unless you've changed your mind about wanting me with you." The bard said sounding annoyed that Xena would even suggest that she stay behind.

"Gabrielle I didn't say that." Xena replied "I told you how I felt, but it will be safer for you here until you've had some more time to heal. If you'd rather go to Poteidaia to finish healing, I'll come back and take you as soon as I take care of the raiders." Xena said irritated at the bard's stubbornness.

"Xena I don't want to go to Poteidaia. Like I told you I don't want to go anywhere without you and I want to go with you now. I don't want to be left behind where it's safe." Gabrielle complained.

"Gabrielle please stay here where it's safe this time and let me take care of this." Xena said a little agitated.

"Warrior I'm coming unless you plan on tying me up to stop me." the bard retaliated.

"Gabrielle..." Xena started.

"Xena I've made up my mind and you're not going to change it." Gabrielle said determination in her voice.

"All right Gabrielle. We'll leave at first light in the morning." The warrior gave in reluctantly, but knowing there was no way she could make Gabrielle stay behind if she didn't want to. "Your Amazon's would be disappointed if you didn't stay for their big party they've already got planned for you tonight."

The party that night was a huge success, but they were all disappointed when they found out that their Queen wouldn't be staying for a while to visit.

The next morning by sunrise Xena had the warhorse ready to go and went to get Gabrielle hoping that maybe she'd changed her mind over night. When Xena got to the hut the bard was dressed and waiting on her.

"Won't you change your mind and stay here?" the warrior asked.

"No!" Gabrielle replied and picked up her things and walked outside. She handed Xena everything but her staff to load on the horse.

"Would you like to ride?" Xena asked a little upset that Gabrielle wouldn't change her mind.

"I think I'd rather walk for a while." Gabrielle replied and headed for the village gate.

The warrior mounted the golden mare and headed out the gate behind the bard.

² Copyrighted January 1998 by DelShannon