WARNINGS AND DISCLAMERS

Gabrielle was trying to figure out why she'd told Xena what she had. Her feelings were still in a mess... she was mostly hurt and bitter over the events of the last couple of days. The bard just felt like she really needed some time to sort out all her feelings before she could honestly sit down and talk to Xena about them.

The warrior had stood there in the path in stunned silence for a few seconds and finally found her voice. "YOU WHAT?!?!" The warrior screamed as she started after the bard. She grabbed Gabrielle's arm and again swung the small bard around to face her. "Gods Gabrielle please tell me this is a joke and that you didn't really do that," the warrior said with tears in her eyes.

The bard really didn't want to have this conversation now and it was time for some evasive maneuvers. "Yes, I told you that I was the one who drank your port. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry... I said that I would pay for it. You know I don't have the dinars to give you now or I would. But if you want paid now..." Gabrielle stood there and started removing her clothes.

Xena had never seen the bard act like this. The warrior turned away from Gabrielle. "Please don't Gabrielle... you know that isn't what I mean. I told you I don't give a DAMN about the PORT!!"

"Xena why have you turned from me? Am I so awful to look at now that you're sober or is it because I'm no longer a virgin." The bard questioned bitterly.

"Gabrielle you're a very beautiful girl and anyone would be a fool not to want you." The warrior answered.

The word 'girl' wasn't lost on Gabrielle as she tossed her top over her shoulder and kept walking. "Well, if you change your mind..." the bard said over her shoulder.

"Please just stop it Gabrielle. Please put your clothes back on and talk to me." the warrior said plaintively.

"Warrior are you forgetting that I'm an Amazon Queen. Many Amazon's don't wear tops or much of anything else for that matter. Besides I told you that I'm not your worry any more." The little Amazon replied.

"Gabrielle you didn't really take your own virginity using a phallus did you?" the warrior asked concerned.

"Xena I still don't see why are you are so damned worried about MY virginity? You've never told me how you lost your virginity? I think I have a right to know since you're so damn interested in how I lose mine." The bard replied defensively.

"You're right I've never told you, but if you're interested I'll tell you. I lost my virginity when Cortese and his men came to Amphipolis. Five drunken soldiers of Cortese caught me out late one night, behind the inn, going to the well for water. They raped and beat me... there was nothing kind or gentle about it. That isn't any way for a girl's first time to be..." The warrior paused thoughtfully.

"I had dreams like any other girl of falling in love and giving myself to the one I loved, having children and raising a family. Those bastards took that chance away from me. They grunted, groaned and slobbered all over me like a bunch of filthy pigs. Until that day Lyceus and I had only had play sword fights. But those five men became the first to die by my hand on my sword. They cost me more than my virginity and my blood innocence." Xena explained with a whole range of emotions affecting her voice.

Gabrielle stopped and looked at the warrior. "Gods Xena.... I'm sorry, I didn't know... you never said." Concern tingeing her voice. Xena was a private person and even the bard realized what it had taken for the warrior to tell her this.

"Gabrielle you are very special to me. When I found out you were still a virgin... it meant that you still had a chance for the happiness that I only got to dream about so many years ago." The warrior said in hushed tones and sighed deeply with regret.

Gabrielle hurt for the warrior's pain and loss, but she still didn't want the warrior worrying any more about her virginity. The bard was aware that most girl's lost there virginity at a young age and it was almost painful to be as old as she was and have anyone know that she was still a virgin. "Xena I'm really sorry about your past and I do understand your concern, but the loss of my virginity wasn't your fault and it was my decision to make." Gabrielle again headed down the path.

"Gabrielle please quit walking away from me. I can understand if you don't want to travel with me any more... I can understand you being too frightened or disgusted with me to do so. All I ask is that you let me make sure you get to wherever you want to go safely. I couldn't stand the thought of you being out here alone because you were too frightened of me to believe that I would protect you." The warrior agonized.

The bard turned and glared at the warrior. "Xena I don't know how much plainer I can tell you that I'm fine. I'm a big 'girl' now... I think I can take care of myself. Even if I can't it's still none of your worry."

"Gabrielle I realize I should have been more honest with you about many things in my past and that includes my years as a warlord. It's just that I was hoping that it would never be an issue and that you wouldn't have any reason to know. After all it's bad enough that my past still gives me nightmares... I didn't want you to have to know about them and have to share in them in any way. I would spare you or anyone that." Xena responded with regret.

Gabrielle stopped and turned toward the warrior. "Xena do you plan to keep following me?" the bard asked.

"Yes, at least, until I'm sure that you're safe!" Xena replied determinedly.

"Then can I ask for something from you?" The bard said a little more timidly.

"Gabrielle you know that you can. What is it that you want?" Xena asked.

"May I have a drink of water?" Xena chuckled and handed the bard her waterskin.

They continued down the path in silence for a short time each considering what the other had said. A quiet and silent truce of sorts having been called.

"Gabrielle would you like to stop and eat." Xena asked. As if in response to the question the bard's stomach gave out with a loud growl and they both started to laugh.

"Yeah, I think I could use something besides trail rations for a change." Gabrielle replied still chuckling.

"Gabrielle there is just one more thing!" the warrior replied.

"What's that?" Gabrielle questioned.

"I know you're an Amazon Queen and proud of it, but would you mind it terribly if you put your tunic back on now."

Gabrielle smiled and blushed a little and started putting it back on. Xena stopped and helped a little noticing the small woman's stiffness from the healing stripes still evident across her back. They were looking a lot better, but the sight still made the warrior wince.

Xena mounted Argo and held out her hand to the bard. "Come on let's go find a place to camp and get your stomach something to eat before it scares all the wildlife in the area off and I can't find us anything to eat."

Gabrielle smiled and reached up and took the warrior's arm and was swung easily onto the mare behind the warrior.

About a candlemark later Xena had found them a place to set up camp. They both worked at unloading their things from the warhorse and set up the campsite. Gabrielle cleaned a spot for the fire while Xena gathered the wood.

Xena grabbed some soap and drying clothes. "Come on Gabrielle grab your things and let's go get some of this trail dust off and relax for a little while. I'll see if I can't catch us something to eat while we're there."

Gabrielle turned and smiled at the warrior and grabbed a cloth to dry on and a clean tunic and followed the warrior to the lake. The bard still had some problems with the way she felt about the warrior, but there just wasn't any way to stay mad at the woman she loved.

Being nude in front of each other was still awkward and both could fell a rising heat but did their best to ignore it and each other's nudity.

After bathing Gabrielle closed her eyes trying to relax in the water and had nearly went to sleep floating on her back when something slimy hit her. She jerked upright and opened her eyes. Xena was standing there with a fish in each hand.

"Come on bard, it's time to get these things on the fire so we can get that stomach of yours something to eat." The warrior chuckled a little at the startled expression on the bard's face.

They both dressed in silence and then headed back to camp.

Xena cleaned the fish and Gabrielle got some seasonings to add some flavor to the fish and stuck them over the fire.

Very little conversation passed between them, as both were lost in their own thoughts of the last few days.

After they ate they both laid down on a blanket to rest for a while.

Finally Gabrielle broke the silence between them. "Xena..." the bard questioned rolling over on her side to face the warrior.

"Yeah?" the warrior replied laying on her back and turning her head toward the bard.

"Who was that woman you were with at the inn?" the little bard inquired.

"Her name is Melena and I met her about 7 cycles ago during the time I was a warlord. She traveled with my army for a while. Why do you want to know about her?" Xena asked.

"Xena I had gotten worried when you didn't come back to our room. I just wanted to know that you were ok, so I went looking for you. I spotted you at the bar from upstairs. I heard you tell her that you'd came there looking for her" The bard replied

"That's right I did." The warrior admitted.

"Xena I saw the way you looked at and touched that woman before you came upstairs. It's justÖ I've never seen you act like that toward a woman before." the bard replied hesitantly but honestly.

"I was acting that way because of the 'battlelust' and that's exactly why I went there looking for her." Xena replied honestly and openly. "Is that a problem for you Gabrielle?" the warrior asked.

"No... not exactly. I'd just never seen you with a woman before and I just didn't know... that you liked women that's all." Gabrielle said blushing a little. Her and the warrior had never had this kind of conversation before and she was feeling awkward.

"Is there anything else you need or want to know?" Xena asked.

"Xena I know that you sacrifice a lot of any personal life you might have with me around all the time. I just didn't want to be a burden any more." Gabrielle confessed.

Xena now rolled up on her side propping herself on her elbow and faced the bard. "Gabrielle you've never been a burden so stop talking like that." Xena admonished her.

"When you didn't come back to the room and then spent the night with Melena... I didn't think you wanted me around any more." Gabrielle said timidly studying her hand playing with the blanket in front of her.

"Gabrielle there is a lot of ugliness in my past and I would spare you that if I could. I was losing control to the darkness and I was making you its victim. It had to stop beforeÖ I hurt you." The warrior explained as she dropped her eyes to the blanket not being able to look Gabrielle in the eyes any more. "Melena was one of the victims of a village my army plundered. One of my men had grabbed her and brought her back to camp. He was torturing her and I heard her screaming. She was younger than you are now, but she still was no virgin. She was pretty and I took her for myself. Melena thought she'd been saved from being tortured and raped... she was wrong." Xena confessed still not able to look the bard in the eye.

"Xena??" It was a question... Gabrielle wanted to hear the rest.

"Gabrielle I didn't torture her, but I did brand her as my property. I did take her and I raped her against her will. Afterward she did stay with me for five cycles willingly and when she wanted to leave I let her." Xena's voice revealed the regret she felt for her actions. Xena stood and then raised her tear filled eyes to Gabrielle and studied the bard's face. "Like I said... be glad I didn't come back to the room and prove you wrong."

Xena turned and walked off into the woods leaving Gabrielle lying there trying to grasp what Xena had told her. Xena raped that woman? I guess there's a lot about the warrior I don't know and don't understand.

² Copyrighted January 1998 by DelShannon